January 14, 2013
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Surprise! Women You’re Getting Fucked!
I am so very tired of so-called women’s magazines filled with getting the most out of your orgasms, And I am tired of seeing way too young girls picking out their g – string underpants from off the stores shelf while mothers are thinking their daughters are going through a phase — Phase of what? Their so overwhelmed with sexual information by the fifth grade that they can tell you all about oral sex and blow jobs. I see groups of women from Atlanta to Cincinnati to back home in San Francisco who starve themselves and then buy fake breast, and as if that was not sad enough, then now we have the perfectly curved rear end underpants to get that; “Want to feel a real butt look!”
Women worry, bathe, preen, get the new season’s make-ups throwing away hundreds of dollars of colors which they have liked and chosed; But, Holy Mother of God, someone is going to notice that you are wearing sun colors when you are supposed to be in the silver and grey with that flash of pink to give your eyes that perfect, “Come hither look.” Now that is a crisis that you must kick your best buddy to get this gal to the powder room to not screw up the illusions at this table as the first round of tinis are ordered, but everyone is dressed to the nines, and their feet are already so screwed up from high heels that they have bunions which look like tumors on their feet.
Some are fidgeting with cell phones while others play with the cute ballons left on the table so you could stick your finger through them to give that little insertion cue or practice blowing them up, because it is time to get hammered, to get up on the dance floor in a little while, to express yourselves in girations just preening and waiting for some guy to notice you, becuase the rest of the week, your phone calls, your texting, and; “Oh my God!” — Your days getting through the week are going to be about whether those certain guys a couple of you hot ladies left with; “Do you think they’ll show up for the next night out,” or will they go to some other club to meet up with some other vulnerable ladies? And the conversation goes, “And he goes,” and then we go, and — Well like, we all go on as to whether this was the real thing?” “Ya think?” “Like I do; I really do,” and no one has said one damned meaningful thing during the whole conversation. People who actually finished college and have graduate school credentials go through these acts under the big tents all over the country, for at first your most important significant others are your parents or some appointed stand in for such, then it is your girlfriends.
There are exceptions, girls with heads on their shoulders, who know, see, and endeavor to live a more meaningful life, but I am not kidding. In my years of living, I want to lie down and cry in shame for where our women are now. Beginning sometime in the 1960s with people like me, we started listening to the litany of many old hags like Betty Friedan, and the bras came off, birth control gave people the one night stand ritual, and it was going to be a world of equality between men and women, but meanwhile, we would see men getting the idea that sex and a relationship meant leaving your pants over a chair in the corner of someone’s house where every room was filled with other party goers, for the party was more of the way then of hooking up with the opposite sex.
For a friend, I am repeating some of our sins. We wanted equal pay for equal work, the ability to compete with men in the college classroom, not to be aced out by them, because women were apt to drop out and have babies. We hoped that we might get some help at home, even if we were merely going to be housewives and mothers — An evening out with our husbands, a time which was not 24 hour child care, so that meant getting deeper in to the work force. We mainly wanted to feel valued as the young wives we were, but something went terribly wrong.
Suddenly, we were hearing about the swingers, the drop your keys in a bowl and see whose husband you were going home with tonight if you were drunk enough or crude enough to do such a thing, and suddenly our morals began to suck in the worst way, and we had no road maps for rebuilding the families we were going to bring in to this world; For believe me — Women my age were sent out there to find a man and to crank out the kids. Next AIDS, the behind the scenes teacher/priest and others in the hierarchy of taking care of young men were converting these same boys and mens in to a homosexual lifestyle, and right here and right now, I want to say before you all get your undies in a wad; “Yes, some people were born with homosexual tendencies,” but you never met the whole generation of mainly young men who died from a diesease called AIDS. I will believe until the day I die that AIDS damage could have been limited had there not been so much pressure in Washington not to call it a gay man’s disease, so for the first time in history, you had a diesease out here which was brand new, being passed from male to male, drug user to drug user, and on to wives, because from day one when it was recognized on the West Coast and The East Coast; No one cried out quarantine — For you do not want it to be associated with sexuality and certainly not as a gay man’s disease, because it could have been dangerous to have been closing doors and putting big AIDS signs on them.
This led to the first decade of absolutely open discussion about homosexuality, and even though a whole generation of gay men is missing around my age here in The San Fraancisco Bay Area, for they got new homes, either in graves back in their hometowns, burials at sea by The Neptune Society, or if you want to go to a place where tears will wash down to your feet, then go to The San Francisco Columbarium, and read the love letters, and I know these men, boys — A lot of them loved with their whole heart, but AIDS, a disease of animals had crossed over in to man, and it was deadly, a war zone, a nightmare with no end until the triple cocktail of meds gave back many people their lives; so it is a managable disease now, and Oh yes, it is no longer a gay man’s diesease. An unintended consequence of all of this though was it so educated younger people about homosexual life that more and more people decided that was the way to go, for you immediately became accepted in a group who had gone through the killing fields together, and now they were going to welcome you with open arms.
So the women too, even though the girls all say they were born gay decided to give it a try as well, for it was certainly better than dead beat boyfriends who hurt them over and over again, for with birth control — The married guys could step out, and travel and work made couples of many workers who spent more time with each other than they did at home. The ladies, especially those who had experienced abuse themselves, who had been left more times to cry in their crumpled sheets got the message that a good guide for them through sex could be another woman, and after they woke up with them the next day, then it seemed easier than battling for the male species who, because of the laws of nature, had all of the parts to impregnate them. It only took a few decades to get the sperm donor sites, the implantation of the sperm and egg, and even though it is costly and the future is going to have its own consequences when extremely popular sperm donors can put out a good 50 donations, it will not be my world to deal with when new generations must be tested to make certain brothers and sisters are not marrying each other. But that time is coming; And then what? I cannot speak for you but it would be a devestating event in my life, and when you are young and really feel in love, then all good sense is blown out of the window. A very dangerous deck of cards is in a clean box on the table, and you will remember some disgruntled lady writing about it on Xanga.
Now we come to something with which women, especially, again — Are bearing most of the load, and it is the beautiful and romantic hearts who want what might have been their mothers and family’s traditional relationships. Yes, the girls do go in search, and I think of it as almost, “Packs,” now with a few which will be chosen by some men who have a fondness for something which seems like one has taken out of an old romance novel, only do you know how some of those novels were written? They were written, for the writer could draw from their own longings and feelings or from the stories people would share, but there was usually a happy ending. Women’s equality led to great inequality of relationships which would bear family life. I am a sweet freak, and I want you to look over at that table, for tonight alone there are at least 50 desserts, and next week I am going to come back and have another hell of a time choosing from that black satin chocolate cake or that vanilla cream pie with sweet coconut to nibble and savor, to eat — You get the picture.
Women who want traditional love, and even many men are taken for the naieve souls they are far too often, and I am so sick and tired of seeing people hurt, both women and men, for the; “How To Relationship Books,” most are a crock. I can go in to any thrift store and find enough copies of how to live your love life, and they are there for a good reason, because every relationship is defferent, and one’s advice is about as good as writing a letter to, “Dear Abby,” for we have lost all sense of responsibility to one another. Begin at grade one teaching a child how their behavior impacts another child, and when you are giving those sex ed classes, then throw in a few chapters about, “Feelings,” and help children learn early that just as they do not like to be hurt, it is important to examine how others are broken just like you. Let them know that all things have meaning – Hugs, the kissing they begin to experiment with, and let them hear from people about broken homes, how children feel sad if a parent leaves one day and just visits. If there is hope for any kind of marriages to work, then the first priority is to share the expectations of each party, and somehow could we please get this, ‘Love Making,” changed to some other term when you go in to it with a clue that it is just naked over blown sex, and “I will not be here in the morning, for that is not love whatsoever, and you deal with the reality that you are giving the most intimate part of your being to someone who would have probably nailed the first sheep out in the pastures before written time. That is very raw, and I am so sorry, but that is what having no rules and this so-called equality has done to those who long to be involved in romantic love.
Young men and young women, I am so sorry, for we have fully made your lives miserable, because we did not take nature, what was beautiful and romantic about the old ways, and we did not show you the importance of choosing partners if you are interested in long term relationships. How many little girls still play bride, and how many little boys are taught to play casual games which involve family, for that was the way children began to learn about being a part of a normal cycle which began long before women’s liberation. You poor souls do not seem liberated from anything, but you are fearful about getting out there again, and I am so sorry to tell you that in their way, because guys often just want the physical and not the emotional commitment; Women have become more and more victims of narcicistic males with the, “You know you want it attitude,” and if you do, “Want it,” then make certain you understand what you were offered.
What I have not done is what to do about all of this torment, of feeling that the best you’ll ever have is another choice which could easily take your youth and leave you wanting, and I have not addressed this, because I see it, again, as something which I despise, but I just do not have a life time to preach to every younng girl that it is normal to want to play house, to admire your fathers, to believe that you might want a Grandmother’s wedding ring, and to fall in the arms of a partner, a husband, that which nature gave you all the right parts to blend with for making a child. You are not backword, stupid, out of line with your expectations; But how can you begin to help yourself this very day to learn trust and to be aware of inflated egos who want nothing but “Barbie Dolls,” for sex — starving Barbies who are younger than you when your maturity is at full fruition.
It must begin with women knowing that they will rarely find a mate out bar crawling for the week-end rituals. It must move back somewhere to the willingness to share with people pure and open conversation, and there needs to be some national effort on to show women that empowerment was not fully a bedroom issue. Were I younger, I think I would be writing about how overt sexual freedom has led, especially women, in to a place where the big lie of equality was addressed poorly. You did not need a coat and tie, a big cigar to smoke, and to be an expert on single malt scotches, but if that was your choice to hang out with the big boys, then you might have lost the ability to help men tell you about themselves, and there are those who want exactly what you want, who do not know how to get it, and I would say that your first sign that a relationship will never work is when conversation just draws blank stairs. If you cannot have a decent conversation from day one; You are screwed.
Lastly, if I could rule the world, I would know that men and women have different roles to play. Do not give your precious self away to another man who cannot share in the dance of romance, so as old fashined as it sounds, then make your body count for something other than just a fellow’s challenge to, “Get laid.” I have purposefully, again, left religious issues out of this as a gold standard, for not all of you are religious; But you are a body, a soul, and a spirit in my eyes, and you deserve a better world. You deserve children, a caring husband; No, you are not corny or a fucked up female because you want what women until the mid 20th century thought of as what would be a happy life, and perhaps the people who trouble me most are those who just fail to have a clue that such women as you are on to something — That when we have thrown away the best of what was a right of passage and the heritage of so many, the most special humaness of wanting one partner, something which separated us from lower animals, then we may need to go back and fix a few things. I have the feeling that if women staged a new rebellion, then it might be heard by men that your bodies are worth as much as your minds, and no I do not believe for one minute that if all women became celibate for a time, then men would learn the courting rituals again, but could it be that all women are better than a one night stand? I believe that you are, and far too good for trust to be broken over and over again. Take some time young women, and begin a new conversation, for our tired old ways which we introduced have made your lives hell, and we never meant for that to happen.
God Bless, Barbara Everett Heintz, Author of “Pinkhoneysuckle,” the book on Amazon with 2012 Awards in San Francisco and #1 in my division of The Hollywood Book Festival 2012 – Kindle Ready
Barb, Xanga Blogger of, Pinkhoneysuckle
