November 19, 2012
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Paycheck to Paycheck, By Clarentz
When you need a friend; Xanga comes along and gives us one, and I want to add to my Weblog that our friend, Clarentz Artez, with his Paycheck to Paaycheck is among mine, though I might be doing a little mispelling here. The story of how he loves lions alone is available to us on Xanga, and it takes you in to the mind of a talented poet who can see take a leaf, a plant, a simple workday and turn it in to poetry which a lot of men just have no interest in, because too many people are looking for the avant gardt and are not noticing that a real guy out there can open another man’s heart in to the fact life is anything but ordinary.
I pause here, look down for a while, and I think of all the things which can break my heart right now, and among them are Xanga writers who have gone on to publish work, for we dreamt about it much of our lives and then came along Amazon, Create Space, and countless other services which; “Thank yfor the money,” might leave us thinking self publishing is not worth all of the heart break; But the realization that we can and should empower our brother, sister Xanga writers calls out and tells me that someone with the Xanga name of Claretz, can get a book out and come home with a day’s work behind him and feel such joy in his efforts, because you and I got his wisdom and work freely and often.
To the other Xangans have crossed this harsh landscape of publishing or seeking to publish; We have one another, and as I prepare for Thanksgiving and Christmas, I wish that I could tell you that there is monetary reward in all of this, but I cannot. I admire the people who seek to gain recognition through Amazon/s Book of the year, for one person, at least, will then have an open door. For me, the stress just seemed too overwhelming to get on that list with all of the amazingly computer skilled and younger people who believe they will be that one in a million who cracks the code of making money with any kind of publication now.
Lord, do not let me feel gloom and doom, for I had my share of awards this years both with the Honorable Mention in San Francisco, and a 1st place in Hollywood, but I am a determined woman, and I may never make a dime off my published, “Pinkhoneysuckle,” but I am getting letters from across this country now from people who relate to my story, and it is causing them to remember things which shook up their lives. So I may be just a little ripple and not that shock wave, but people are learning about the desparate situation of America’s mid century, about how country women and children — So many of us just wanted to make it to the next day, and we lived among damaged people who knew nothing of PTSD, and we would not see antidepressants until the 1980s when prozac came out.
Some people needed talk therapy they could not afford, and some who could afford it realized that The Freudian take on things may not have even been as helpful as, if we had one, sitting down with a good friend and telling them; “I am troubled.” Then better anti-depressants came along and medication to help with the kind of shell shock a lot of us as children had. I can easily tell you that I can, even after all of these years, still smell the shotgun oil my father had put polished up his shotgun with as it was aimed at my mother’s head, and I can hear her scream, “Amos,” Please don’t, and we children, all four of us still left at home who understood he would shoot our mother and then us, because he was depressed, probably had something to drink, and was out of his mind.
Life has been incredibly harsh, and I still suffer the after shocks, but Mama and Daddy left this world having loved one another living in to an old age. When I hear a person say; “Can’t you just let that go?” — I am aware that I am speaking to someone who has never known what mid century children went through in the places where poor folks were isolated and knew not a scoch of love except from a God we prayed to all of the time, and I still pray, for it is a form of emptying all of those negative thoughts which crawl out and will stay with you all of your days.
I just want you to realize that people like Claretz and me, and the beautiful display one gentlemen made some months ago showing the books written by Xangans makes our outlay of cost feel shallow compared to the love we get back. I do know, all too well, that love is a gentle moment, but the compilations of those moments fills our hearts, and we may never be fully whole and without pain from experiences such as love others have known, but we needed to write, and we share with some of you who are writers who will leave a beautiful legacy in this universe, and you will be quoted after your time is over, when your children want to share your words and how you and I lived as strange internet friends.
So even if you cannot get to all of the books; Choose the few you can and support us with your prayers and your reviews. I think when I shall stand at the throne of mercy that I am going to ask the Christ, or whomever is my judge if they would, at least, give me a review, for here on earth the reviews either make us or send us packing. Write on my loves; write and remember Claretz at his Kindle site with a good word or two. He deserves it, and from coast to coast, I have some pretty good reviews out there.
Will I make a difference for those who lived as I did and for the little children of this day. Such is the question, but here is a big hug for all who stands at the gate, and for those who went the long mile Lonely Wanderer. You all are my knights and the noble women who picked up my days. Thank you all for loving me and for getting those reviews on Amazon.
Just hear Jimmy Stewart, the most incredible men of Hollywood who appeared to care something beyond the fame from his Christmas message, “He who has friends can never be alone.”
Love you all,
Barbara Everett Heintz, “Pinkhoneysuckle,” Amazon, Kindle Ready and Create Space, Award Winning Novelist With Many Friends – God Bless You every one.
