September 29, 2012

• Among The Things I Cherish

  It has been a hard day, one of those where I feel  really stranded in San Francisco, for my husband had taken our one car and our daughter Catherine and he Lesbian friend from Cincinnati, Kelly on what is among their many places together where Catherine and her Dad had set up the occassion for their summer visit.  I have made all too clear how I feel Kelly came about to be my daughter’s lover, and I shall not repeat it, and this is my cross to bear.  Crosses; the Judaic cross, Just to be a Muslim in our world;  It is all filled with a great deal of pain, for we are all judged at a time when being religious is really hard, so very very hard, and the weight of whatever we wear could be easily cast aside — these symbols.  Sometimes when I recall the day of 9/11, I wonder how many, as the last article of faith they had in their hands was a symbol from their faith, and even though they were destroyed by the intense heat from the rubble mixed with jet fuel;  Then most of these symbols were turned back to the very particles and composition of their chemical makeup, I would have held hope that the relics of faith brought innocence and comfort, and that carrying such emblems gave them their first glimpse of a Heaven.

  In the midst of the rubble of this day, a cold end of September in San Francisco, I went to my G-mail, and there was a note from a Xanga Friend in Las Vegas, a very unexpected note on a day when comfort was hard to find — A note, and it explained that he had been through a very busy time and that some good things had happened in his life, so I felt that was the first of the graces for which I wanted to respond.  His children are extremely successful and on their way to college for which he looks forward to with them.  A business change has come through which made a lot of his previous work over months if not years bring more good fortune in to his life, and he said he worked hard, so hard for all of it.  I do not know him, but from his words, I believe that his greatest purpose and the tallis he carries appears to be his children, for I remember that he has written of their importance before.  Most of us feel that way, and we place our trust that as they grow older that they too can resolve life issues where they haave contributed to our brokeness at times — That is something to cherish, that the work you did, hours when you gathered stones or planted seed that as you grow older those children will understand what became of you from one point to another.  You even hope that they will know and respect your symbols and your signs, for they were the recipients of all the loving truth you once had there for them.  Let them know me by the signs, and you shall see Grace and Mercy the gifts which you can give.

  I continued to read the note, and I could almost hear the voice which came next, for I cherish it more than words can express.  He then went on to ask;  “What can I do for you; my work is caught up, but I have time for you,” this man who hardly knows me but who accepts that I need, have needed, and will need help again,” and that meant more than the ordinary words to me, and, “I cherish the thought, the wonderful and amazing thought.”

  It is written on my heart like a portrait, that I have known this person only through this blog, but after some years now;  He has asked me what he can do, and that I am found that worthy of being remembered, of one stopping their day and saying that they have time for me, it happens now and again, but the difference was that I knew this man meant it.  I will remeber his name as a sign, and I will look very hard for a way to say that I cherish that unexpected kindness on a day which could have been a day from hell.  I am in so much pain — physically, for they cannot fix my knees which have deteriorated to the point only replacements would do; but I have a bleeding disorder, and the surgeries are too dangerous.  If I do not take rat poison, literally, that is what warfarin is;  then I will have clots in my lungs, then it is back to an ICU, and my daughter breaks my heart; Oh she breaks my heart, but I cannot fix things.

  I want to tell our friend, Mike, that I was so cold in San Francisco today, and I was in so much pain, but you knew some how that I needed.  I told you about my book and what a trip that has been, those who offer help, and I have to hope they believe what they say.  I ask each of you to lose the concept of small talk, and to know that the worst thing you can do is to offer yourself just to sound nice, so it is there — That every person must endeavor to give up 50 years of; “We’ll get together,” and mean the offers of help that you make to people.”  Maybe what it comes to is that to be truthful, to have honor, to cherish — Then these are the makings of a soul, not someone ordinary.

  I  wish that I could tell you that I had a page full of answers for him, but this is the truth, that I did not know what to say, for just by being there, writing a note, and offering of, “What can I do?”  I needed that today, and it came like a quiet vessel moving along quiet waters edge.  I thank you, all of you cherished friends who do just what you can.  I will carry your crosses, and I will gather stones to lie gently.  I will pray for peace among our Muslim brothers and sisters.

  Another friend raised my book, “Pinkhoneysuckle,” in a spiritual workshop group; Another fills us will beautiful flowers and sunsets, and when I was well I could have taken care of any of you, for I was, “The Nurse.”  What more can we do that to say; Just list it out;  What can I do, but to each of you to whom I cannot even go through the pain of these past few days, then I just want to linger a moment, bless you with all that I have — My signs and that you have brought some comfort, then let it be known that I will cherish

  you, and I will need you all of my days.  I wrap it all up in beautiful colors and seal it with my love, and I pray that you shall do this as well for all whom you may.  This is my plea.

  “Pinkhoneysuckle,” ON Amazon and Kindle — My story and who I am this aging child of Appalachia and for those who wish to help; Please help me to get the word out about my book — The hidden shame brought to women, children, and men of The Agrarian South — And A Love Story

  Blessings to All, and I deeply cherish my friend this day and all who reach with open hearts.

   

  • 5:59 am
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